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Let’s Play Tag

It’s the not too distant future and it might even be tomorrow. Here I am, sitting at home, proudly wearing my electronic tag, the government of the day having decided that the opinions expressed in my subversive, local community Weblog, demands that I be placed under house arrest.

Let Them Come
Originally uploaded by DrMoores.

Was it the entry on council tax bills or the mystery of the thousands of dead crabs on our beach, I wonder but it doesn’t matter, “Web Whingeing” was a crime swiftly added to the statute books after the election and following the American lead, Bloggers can make no claim to any form of journalistic privilege and may indeed be closet literary terrorists, or at least that’s what it said on the application to the Judge from the Home Office.

Government is of course confident that house arrest has made me “incommunicado” but technology has come to my rescue. I might no longer have access to a Personal Computer or a telephone but it’s amazing how much electronic gadgetry can be inserted into a Yorkshire terrier when it’s taken out for a walk.

The latest mobile phones such as the Blackberry are really quite useful when you haven’t access to your email from a computer but I will admit the small keyboard or using a stylus can be a bit of a drag. Nokia make a really good “toughened” phone which can survive immersion in a Phal curry dish from the local Indian restaurant almost indefinitely, although rinsing it before use is recommended. A “pay as you go” SIM card can be imaginatively hidden by visiting family members, well almost anywhere or just as easily added to the Garlic Nan bread from the takeaway.

My daughter’s iPod wasn’t confiscated when they tagged me and placed me under house arrest. In fact, it’s the newest iPod photo and so while I can listen to music and messages of support from other convicted webloggers, I can also look through their photographs and read documents, squeezed down into JPEG files.

To be honest, working from home is easier than trying to get the job done from Belmarsh. There’s a limitless supply of tea and curries and no real danger of anyone walking in on me while I’m writing this Weblog. I miss the exercise in the prison yard, which is bigger than my garden but at least I’ve got Sky TV to watch when I’m not writing.

No, I think tagging and subsequent house arrest is a wonderful idea. Everyone talks about working from home but very few of us have an opportunity to try it as intensively as me. The convergence of Miniaturisation and communications technology have seen me posting my own Weblog from the edge of the Sahara in Morocco and the middle of Spain and thanks to the Home Secretary, I can now test the technology to its limit and mostly at the taxpayer’s expense.

Britain, it’s a wonderful country, there’s no other place I’d rather be subversive danger to society in.


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