Return of The Kings

I never thought I would see the day when I agreed with Tony Benn MP. Can we have our democracy back please Mr Blair, because you stole it away from right under our noses.

While Turkey is offered $21 billion to let American troops use it as a staging post for an invasion and several African ‘Presidents’ are bribed beyond their wildest dreams to support America in the United Nations, one has to ask what Britain will receive in return for its support. The answer is of course moral superiority, because as Tony insists, we’re doing the right thing against a vicious tyrant who might or might not have weapons of mass destruction.

In fact, the US government doesn’t need our forces other than to prove the existence of a coalition. I used to be a sort of soldier a very long time ago and my own opinion is that our boys will simply get in the way as they did last time. The Americans fight at night, have sophisticated digital communications systems and with the best will in the world, we have a useless personal weapons system, the SA80, tanks and helicopters that can’t cope with desert conditions. What's more we’re even struggling to achieve toilet paper superiority over the Iraqis. There’s little point in joining in the American rush to Baghdad, we’ll get shot at by the wrong side all over again.

The good news of course is that this is to be the first ‘pay-per-view’ war which is one of the reasons we are involved in the first place. Sky and the BBC are reportedly teaming-up with UK Online for the rights to provide minute by minute coverage of the action. This in turn should drive record traffic through the government Web site as the population pays to receive ‘The Desert Duel Channel’ over the Sky and BBC digital networks. It’s a master-stroke of planning and reflects a change in warfare, from being an extension of foreign policy in the 20th century to an interactive entertainment medium in the 21st century.

Already, teams of graphics developers and artists from Sony and Microsoft are in Iraq scanning Baghdad and its suburbs. This is so that accurate 'before and after' images can be included in new interactive PlayStation and X-Box games that will reproduce the most exciting actions of the war in time for Xmas. George Clooney, it's rumoured, has already started filming ‘Three Kings’ the sequel; 'Return of The Kings'.


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